Applying Confidence To Learning the Unicycle

About two months ago, I taught myself how to Unicycle. This is how I did it.

I've tried unicycling before on others' unis. It is hard. The initial learning curve is pretty difficult. Because of the difficulty, I knew I could get easily frustrated if I set my desire too high. Remember, emotion = desire - result. So if it's my desire to ride a unicycle, the result for the first few tries are going to be really pathetic. The first day, I could barely sit on it. So I took Nick Pagan's advice on Pinnacle Goals: don't set them.

Instead, I focused on the actual process of unicycling. My goals were very easy to accomplish. I had goals like:

• Get on the unicycle.


• Do one pedal stroke.


• Pedal 6 feet while holding on to a wall.


• Practice for 20 minutes today.


• Expend some energy today, practicing the uni.

I had the desire of wanting to Unicycle in the back of my mind but it was put back there because my focus was on the process not the destination.

Also, I didn't have any needs when learning. I didn't need to impress anybody. I didn't need to not look stupid. I didn't have the need for perfection. I didn't care what other people think when I crashed (type I confidence). I did it for the fun of it. I simply enjoyed the process that would take me to my destination.

Another important idea is that I didn't feel the need to get to my destination within a certain time frame. I thought to myself that I don't care how long it takes me to learn how to ride.

It was just fun to get out and learn how to do it.

Follow-up to the March 9th Post

How to determine what type of confidence you posess regarding a certain skill or activity:

1. Pick a skill you posess or would like to posess.
2. Imagine you are contacted by an employer who required somebody that posessed this skill from step one.
3. They offer you $10,000 of their money just to perform this skill. They ask you, "Will you be able to accomplish this specific task?" Will you be able to impress them with your results?

If you can answer yes to these questions, then you posess confidence (Type I) in doing that skill or activity.

Where True Confidence is Derived From

The term, confidence, can be defined very differently when used in different contexts. In some contexts, it is a willingness to go forth with no expectations, not caring what other people think. In other contexts, it is a knowledge that you absolutely know you can accomplish the task at hand, built upon a foundation of experience.

You have confidence that you can walk to the front door and open it because you have mastered that skill. (Type I)

You can also have confidence in giving a speech in class because you aren't worried about what others think, not because you possess extensive public speaking skills. (Type II)

There is one type of confidence (Type I) that derives solely from competency. Because you are competent in doing skill A, then you have ultimate confidence that you can perform skill A.

The other type of confidence (Type II) derives from releasing unrealistic needs (a desire that can only be fulfilled via a third party). These needs could be:

The need to impress others.
The need for approval from others.
The need to be liked.
The need to not look stupid.
The need to be free from embarrassment.
The need ....

This is why some children seem to have such ultimate confidence in themselves (Type II). When a child tries a new activity, it's not because they have competence in that activity. It's because they do not posses these unrealistic needs. They don't care if they fall. They don't care that they look stupid. They just laugh it off.

However, true confidence (Type I) is in reality derived from competence. Repeat: Competence determines Confidence.

Why Emotions Are Important

Emotions are the result of fulfillment or non-fulfillment of desires, beliefs, needs, or expectations.

Some quick definitions:
Desire - a goal or an objective.
Need - a desire that can only be met via actions of a third party.
Belief - thinking that is used to explain unknown causes.
Expectation - a severe form of a preference. Expectations are usually formed without our awareness and can be the most difficult to change.

Two examples of how emotions occur.

1. You and another person are walking on a path in opposite directions, heading towards each other. You are in a generally good mood, enjoying the scenery and weather. You decide to smile and say "Hi" to the stranger. They do not respond verbally and instead frown in disgust. Because you expected them to respond positively and the result differed from your expectation, you feel negative.

2. You're at work and it's lunch time. A good friend of yours comes by to give you a homemade sandwich that they made. You're pleasantly surprised because this isn't something you expected. It went beyond your expectations and thus you feel positive.

How would you fix situation #1?
Today's self-help ideology would suggest to "think positive" or not let the reactions of others affect you. You have the power to decide how you react to things.

This is an ok suggestion and can work some of the time (when emotions are not as strong). They're essentially asking you to suppress your true emotions and try to disregard them. That is hard thing to do when emotions are stronger. There's a better way:

Think realistically.

Instead of trying to handle the way you react to things, change your initial expectation. For example #1, think to yourself, "I'm going to say Hi to this person simple because I want to. If they respond, great! If not, then so what. I have no expectations for how they respond." Doing this will never create a situation where you could potentially feel negatively because there is no unrealistic expectation for you to fulfill.

Yes, you "do have the power."